Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
