I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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