she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
