You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
