We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
