There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
