you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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