it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
