So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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