I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
