My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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