There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
