I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
