dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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