What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
