I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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