She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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