very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
