Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
