Need sex. Gaining weight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
