I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
