She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
