Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
