epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dignity is for republicans.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
