Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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