Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize