I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
