I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
