my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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