There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
