His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
