just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the condom got lost in my hair
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
