She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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