I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's never too late to be topless.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
