Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
