You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
