Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
