weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
