Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
