she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
