Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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