I got chris browned last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
