If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
