He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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