so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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