Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
