I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
