so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize