Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
