the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
