I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You smell like stripper and shame
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize