While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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