weddingsv make me drug and hornr
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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