there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
