If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
