Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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