Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
