he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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