Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
