Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
