i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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