So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
