I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
