I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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