Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
