Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
