I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
