so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Holy shit dude........stairs
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
