i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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