He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
