Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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