no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
time to smoke my breakfast
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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