I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
